Lots to write about – the move (it’s been good); country vs. city life (ditto); baby chicks; headboards (you’re gonna have to wait); life in general. But not today.
Today, in thought and in public word, I again honor my Mom, who left this world 3 years ago on March 28. She’s still much loved and much missed. My guess is that at least once a week, Don or I reference her in conversations. We think of things she’d like to have seen (she would have been pleased by the recent health care vote, although she would have been enormously frustrated with the ugly, special-interest driven divisiveness). There are things she would have hated (the anti-Obama “birther” movement, for example). And lots of in-between things about which she’d undoubtedly have an opinion.
I wonder how one measures the grief of parental loss. I dearly loved my father – he was the consummate good man, caring, devoted and funny. He took a far more active role in our upbringing than most other fathers did with their children, at least in the 50s & 60s. I missed – and continue to miss – him, although he’s been gone close to 30 years. But I didn’t feel the loss as acutely as I have with Mom. Is it a matter of closeness that measures grief? Is it other circumstances going on in one’s life? Is it the amount of time that one had with one’s parent? I suppose it could be a combination of things. My guess is that in Mom’s case – as opposed to Dad’s – Mom & I became buddies in addition to the mother-daughter bond. As wonderful as Dad was, we were never buddies. He had Mom, I had my own family, and when one is younger, the age gap is more acute.
For whatever reason, today – like every day – I think of Mom, little things I’d like to share with her, funny stories, life stories, frustrations, and ask her advice. I still do ask her advice, and I think she gave me a pretty solid compass to guide me in what her actual advice would be if she were around to share it.
And life goes on. The baby chicks? One – the star so far – is named Agnes. Mom would have enjoyed that. Agnes was her middle name.
